A Divine and Demonic Interview
by Nimbus Llewelyn
Summary: Yes these have been done before, but as far as I understood it you could do them with your own spin on it. Disclaimer: I own nothing. Remastered to fit guidelines.


**A/N: Due to some sour grapes from some of the more humourless persons on the Literate Union forum, and genuine and polite criticisms from others (I only listen to the latter kind. Learn, people.), I have had to make some alterations. **

**How Old Are You? The interviewer asks.**

Aziraphale replies,"6000"

Crowley replies "6000 and a bit!"

Aziraphale just sighs.

**Height? The interviewer asks.**

Crowley replies, "I'm 6"0 but angel here is shorter and wider."

Aziraphale replies, "5'10 and _**I am not fat!"**_

Crowley starts grinning and fires back, "Are so!" And Pokes A in the stomach "too much chocolate makes you fat."

Aziraphale replies with narrowed eyes, "_If you don't shut up I will smite you so hard that you will end up right in front of Duke Hastur and when he is finished, I will drop you in a vat of holy water and watch you dissolve in perpetual agony and I will laugh at your sorry remains!"_

Crowley is still grinning, "Calm down angel! Wrath is a sin!"

**Have You Got Any Bad Habits? The interviewer asks.**

Crowley replies Hang on I've got a list here somewhere...

Aziraphale replies, "None" while glaring at C.

Crowley mouths "chocolate!"

**Are you a virgin? The interviewer asks.**

C replies, "Mossst definitely not.

A replies primly, "chastity is a virtue."

C replies, "Liar."

**Who is your Mate/Spouse? The interviewer asks.**

A and C reply, "None..." whilst pointedly not looking at each other.

**Have Any Kids? The interviewer asks.**

Crowley replies, shrugging "Don't know and don't care. Probably."

Aziraphale replies, "I am a virgin."

Crowley fakes a cough "Liar. Anyway wasn't Mary a virgin when she had Jesus?"

Aziraphale rolls his eyes to heaven and sighs.

**Favourite Food? The interviewer asks.**

Aziraphale replies shiftily, "Chocolate."

Crowley replies with a lascivious grin, "Angel cakes."

**Favourite Ice Cream flavour? The interviewer asks.**

Aziraphale replies, "Again, chocolate."

Crowley grins evilly "Angel flavour."

Aziraphale pointedly ignores him

**Ever Killed anyone? The interviewer asks.  
**

Crowley replies, "Yes."

Aziraphale replies, "No."

Crowley replies, "What about those people who burned books?"

Aziraphale replies with gritted teeth, "_They don't count."_

**Do you hate anyone? The interviewer asks.**

Crowley replies, "I'm a demon. What do you expect?"

Aziraphale replies, "As above."

Crowley replies cheekily, "I didn't know you'd fallen..."

Aziraphale replies heatedly, "I'm an angel you idiot!"

**Any Secrets? The interviewer asks.  
**

Aziraphale replies "Ummm..."

Crowley replies with a grin, "Go on angel...spill..."

**Do you love Anyone? The interviewer asks.**

Aziraphale replies primly, "I love all God's creatures equally."

Crowley replies under breath, "Arse kisser."

**TACOS? The interviewer asks.**

Aziraphale replies puzzled, "Is this meant to be significant?"

Crowley replies "I've lost track..."

**Ever slept in all day? The interviewer asks.**

Aziraphale replies Sloth is a sin.

Crowley replies under his breath, "I repeat, arse kisser." Then aloud, "The entire 14teenth century and most of the 19teenth."

**Favourite Show? The interviewer asks.**

Crowley replies, "Golden Girls."

Aziraphale replies, "Um… Countdown."

Crowley looks at him pityingly, "You have no style do you?"

**Favourite Movie? The interviewer asks.**

A&C reply, "Pass."

**Favourite Band? The interviewer asks.**

Crowley replies, "Anything BUT Queen!"

Aziraphale replies smoothly, "The heavenly music of the spheres."

Crowley mutters, "Uber arse kisser."

**Eye Colours? The interviewer asks.**

Crowley replies, "Yellllow of course..."

Aziraphale replies, "Angelic blue."

**Skin? The interviewer asks.**

Crowley replies, "I have the perfect tan, whereas pasty features here..."

Aziraphale replies stiffly, "Tans are undignified."

Crowley replies in between howls of laughter, "Only...because...you... can't...get... one..."

**Fat/Average/Slim? The interviewer asks.**

Crowley replies, "While I am slim, debonair and stylish, the angel here is-" here he whispers conspiratorially, "-fat and a fashion disaster on legs."

Aziraphale attempts to carry out his earlier threat.**  
**

**Rain or sunshine? The interviewer asks.**

Aziraphale & Crowley both reply emphatically, "Sunshine."

**Pool or Beach? The interviewer asks.  
**  
Aziraphale & Crowley share a look and reply, "Beach."

**Camping or staying home? The interviewer asks.**

Aziraphale & Crowley reply simultaneously, "Home!"

Crowley elaborates, "The angel tried to be a cub scout in Scotland..."

Aziraphale replies threateningly, "Say it and be smited!"

Crowley finishes, "...they tied him to a tree and tried to sacrifice him."

Aziraphale replies sourly, "I shouldn't have trusted him because he had the same surname as you..."

Crowley replies, "Hey, Aleister was _beyond _evil!"

**Dog or Cat? The interviewer asks.**

Crowley replies, "Dog."

Aziraphale replies, "You did that to be different. Cat."

**Believe in aliens? The interviewer asks.**

Crowley replies, "No, but I saw them during the Armagonetobuggeryageddon."

Aziraphale replies, "You are having far too much fun with that. No."

**Natural Born or Clone? The interviewer asks.  
**  
Crowley replies thoughtfully "Now that's a difficult question..."

Aziraphale replies, "Pass."

**Car or Ship? The interviewer asks.**

Crowley replies, "Car."

Aziraphale replies doubtfully, "Probably car."

**Ever destroyed someone out of Blind Rage? The interviewer asks.**

Crowley replies, "I'm a demon, of course."

Aziraphale replies, "No."

Crowley mutters, "Book burners"

Aziraphale says primly "Book burners are a lower life form so do not count."

**Any Unusual Things about you? The interviewer asks.**

Crowley replies bluntly, "I'm a demon, he's an angel, do you need any more explanation?"

**How much food/drink do you need a day? The interviewer asks.**

Crowley merely grins at Aziraphale who growls quietly.

**Favourite Place? The interviewer asks.**

Aziraphale & Crowley reply, after glancing at one another, "St James' Park"

**Any last words? The interviewer asks.**

Crowley replies quickly, "You're fat angel!" And then races off laughing.

Aziraphale replies politely, "Thank for your time and patience. Crowley, thou shalt be smited!"


End file.
